what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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