I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
false alarm. still invincible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
