So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
