Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
