this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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