He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
