A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
