I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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