after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
