I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
