he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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