My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
