where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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