She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
