I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
