i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you traded sex for a burrito?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Watching her eat just hurts me
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
