Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
