So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Randomize
