U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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