I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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