whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
