i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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