I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
