so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
