for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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