He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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