and she was petting her beer can
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
