When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
