I hate all girls vehemently.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
