sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
