Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The power of my boobs compel you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
