The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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