I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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