Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She bit a glass in half.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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