I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
