i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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