I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
