Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
