WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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