so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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