Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
