Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
