I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
