CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i believe in u and ur pee
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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