The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
