I think my vagina is haunted
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
