i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I understand Curling. That high.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
