I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
