I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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