so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
