She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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