I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
