My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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