OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
